"Lonely Reflections"

Do I know what you are to me?
Can I begin to comprehend the meaning of life?
What is it all about?
Is it for real or merely distant feelings?
Am I meant to be happy---
To be loved and to love someone?
Can I allow myself to trust, to feel, to live?
Am I destined to be alone?
Why cant I open upto people?
Deep down I know there are people out there who care deeply for me,
But I seem to toss them aside at times.
Why do I question their motives?
I know they really do care and would not willingly hurt me,
But I am afraid to let them in.
Why do I feel so unworthy at times for their affections?
Why cant I let them in and enjoy happiness?
Scared of my own shadow,
Feelings that are so embedded in my brain.
I cry just thinking about it at times.
So alone and lost at times,
Needing to be held and just taken care of.
Tired of always being strong and not needing anyone,
I just want to breakdown and be held.
Is it too difficult to desire or expect?
Do I deserve to be loved by others?
Am I worthy of your love?

5/11/96