What apppeared to be another typical, late, Sunday night of Internet Relay Chat a.k.a. IRC for me, turned out not to be quite as I imagined. I joined one of my regular channels called #Idleland, where mostly IRC Operators just sit in and be idle, with the occasional chat of various topics. That's where I met her on, although she was not talking in the channel but was in a few other chanels simultaneously. We were both IRC Ops but our paths did not cross until that night. I might have noticed her nick before since it is different, but never paid any attention since she did not talk in the channel.
I am not sure why we even started talking that night in the first place. Guess, it was just two lonely people who just seemed to click for about six hours. Normally, I am elusive about talking to people on IRC anymore after a clash between a certain user who has been causing endless problems for me and various of my fellow IRC Operators. Unfortunately our position as IRC Ops, does not mean we can censor every channel that people might consider offensive -despite what users may think. It is not our responsibility to play God! If so, there would not be any channels for people to talk in.
I am very opinionated about what I believe in and am not afraid to state my views in a blunt manner. This of course makes for a few enemies along the way but c'est la vie. You can not please everyone and all that matters in the long run is that you have to live with yourself.
I guess she must have been bored when all of a sudden, out-of-the-blue, she did a whois on my nick. I have my IRC program set up to detect when people do a whois on me; especially, with the recent clash with a very vocal user. I like to know who is trying to find out information on me. I then did a version on her nick, which shows what IRC client the person is using. Something like that does not become the catalyst of a conversation more a detriment to starting one but then in our case we are not like normal people.
All of a sudden, I got this message from her asking if I was having fun versioning her. Thought it was an unusual way to start a chat and I made some smart comment and before we both realized we were carrying on a chat during the earlier hours. The more we talk, the more interested I was in learning about her.
At points, I must have really had her wondering who was this insane person that she was talking to. Especially since I refused to answer, simple, basic questions as to my age, height, weight, hair and eye color that most people would not hesitate to answer but no I refused to tell her as I made her answer those same questions. I am not sure why I suddenly out of nowhere, asked her if she ever had an abortion. Not a question you normally might ask someone you barely know and just met but I did. Surprisingly, she did not stop talking to me or even cause a stir of revolt. She said she never had one and was never pregnant. I then asked if she could have children and she said she thought she could. Guess it was just something I needed to know at the time, a mental note, since one day I would like a family of my own.
We both shared a passion for writing. I always been rather artistic from mere writing, to playing guitar, to painting, to pottery, and even to acting. I mentioned to her that I was half way through writing my first novel not that I tell everyone that I am. She told me if I wanted to see her attempts at bad writing to visit her web page. I was not quite certain what I expected her writing to be like, perhaps something sweet and quaint but that was not quite my first impression of her writing. When you enter the beginning of her web page, you will hear The Rolling Stones "Time Is On My Side" which she states that is due to her brother's influence as she had given access to it lately.
The first thing I read was one of her short story which was a rather descriptive scenery between a male and female. It was not what I expected to be reading. I made a smart comment that her web page would comeback to haunt us when I ran for political office once we got married. That my wife, once ran a web page with pornographical stories. She laughed at the concept, saying that her stories are not normally graphic or sexually oriented and what did you expect since it was co written by a male. Her poetry tells who she is beneath her outer appearance. She is like everyone and even including me, looking for someone to love and be loved despite the outer obstacles that we put up in the way as we learn in life not to trust anyone.
It was just silly but innoncent fliration between us. Somewhere during those early hours, I started to teasingly call her wifey and in return she called me hubbie. I kidded her that I wanted someone who would be the dutiful wife and do everything I say without questioning. She threw back that I would become bored with her, if she catered to my every whim and in totally agreement with hubbie. I said I would not be and that would be nice if wifey was but she was probably right that sooner or later she would get on my nerves.
I kept asking when she was going to buy me a plane ticket to where she was living, so we could meet and get married. She kept side stepping the question and I am not sure if she thought if I was serious or just messing with her mind. Apart of me was kidding when I first started it but as time flew I started to think that might not be a bad idea to actually meet her. Who knows what she was thinking but it did not seem to faze her as continued talking to me despite the strange things I kept asking.
What probably caused me to talk to her for more than a few minutes was when she told me she was of Oriental descent. I must have this fascination for Oriental females as I had a few girlfriends along the way that have been. An attaction for petite, dark hair females. I then told her she had to cook traditional Chinese food. She comes back with that she is not domesticated and that she does not cook or clean. Then she was like what is traditional Chinese food since each district has their own certain style of cooking. Her grandparents were from Canton thus it would be Cantonese style but her parents and her were born in the Caribbean and they do not speak any Chinese. A language that I would like to learn someday as among other things. I finally told her she did not have to cook after I kept telling her that she would have to learn. She finally admitted that she can make lasagna, so I think she might be able to cook and not burn water.
Before we both knew it was 4 a.m. my time, 5 a.m. hers, and I had this strange urge to hear her voice before I went off to sleep. Normally, I do not just call up people I met on IRC but then when it came to her I was doing all the things I said I would not do. She was an exception to the rules! I asked for her phone number and she was rather hesitant to give it out which I understand since they are alot of psychotic people out there. It took about thirty minutes before she finally gave it to me. Guess it went against one of her IRC Advice about giving out personal information online. I only wanted to say hello for a few minutes before I tried to get a little sleep. But it did not quite work that way as I made her get off IRC so we both would not be distracted with what was going on there.
It's surprising how a few minutes can turn into almost two hours. There are just certain people who can make time fly by without you realizing. Those who make you feel comfortable, who break down your defences and better still can make you laugh at life itself. We just could not seem to say goodnight to each other, perhaps afraid that the spell would be broken. Caught up in the magic of that certain time.
She rambled about her friends and certain little things about her self and I just took it all in. She then became very quiet as I started to fill in the missing answers to her earlier questions she asked online. I also told her things that I do not tell most people as she just listened. It was so damn easy to tell her things about myself that I had her promise not to tell people that she ever talked to me. She was like I do not even know most of these IRC Ops since she keeps a low-profile on there, and besides she said who would really believed that I talked to you.
Before we finally said goodbye, she once again threw me for a moment when she said, "Sweet dreams dear. Don't let the bed bugs bite!" It just brought back a flood of warm memories as I can picture dad tucking me into bed at night when I was a child as he said those very same words. I wonder how she knew those words would bring such warm memories? It's just apart of who she is as she seems to have the ability to be warm and caring person.
When she used endearments to me, like dear and darling, you had this feeling that she really meant it. Her laughter is rather contagious and she has the ability to make me smile and laugh. We both have this capacity to care deeply but we both hide it in our own worlds so we can not be hurt too much by people. We do not trust people easily. Right now, I am not in a position to get involved with anyone no matter how right they might be, I have to put some distance between them not to get hurt.
I see alot of myself in her unfortunately. She might have answered all the basic questions but that does not go beyond the superificial surface of who she is. I am not even sure I really know much of her. Both of us, are family oriented and are tied deeply to them no matter the cost to our own lives.
As for the two of us, who knows if our paths will cross again and in what matter. Will we be anything more than just mere acquaintances or will we be more than that? Do we cease to exist for each other as it might only be a temporary diversion for two people at the right place and time? Who knows what saga life has to offer us as I try to drift off to sleep with thoughts of her in my mind...